If Only, If Only

I have been emotional lately. Who knows why. Maybe viewing 2000 slides from the late 60s and 70s. Maybe reading two Stephen King novels about that same era. Maybe because thats what we do when the year comes to an end and another looms, with the ominous number 13 in its name.

Some of my Whitworth College students, just a few years younger than I was in 1978.

I think there was one moment when I could have made a life changing decision and did not. I was very disappointed with the life I was leading as a small town pastor, but very drawn to two part time opportunities that occurred during the years from 1976 to 1980.

I taught college kids at my alma mater and at a small start up Christian College in Brookhaven Mississippi named Whitworth, for the methodist buildings they were renovating. I taught Old and New Testament Survey in the evenings, and Romans in the mornings at Whitworth.

I should have read the signs, and taken my wife and family back to school for a doctorate and become a professor. If only, if only. Instead I tried to deny my calling and leave the ministry with disastrous results.

So, I have been an egghead pastor who, as one of my members said, reads too many books.
I have also used the last dozen years to test the things I had been taught in college and seminary bible courses, and have outgrown some of the boxes.

I can see the end of my four decades of pastoring churches looming ahead. I am no longer dissapointed, but occasionally I think....if only, if only.